Adversarial: coercion, competition, zero-sum, scarcity. Goal: gain advantage Collaborative: consent, cooperation, synergy, abundance. Goal: mutual success I constantly notice these patterns—but as with all dualism, life is more complicated. Most people are just doing what seems best in the moment: following loyalty to self or various groups in their Venn diagram—which may or may not result in best long-term outcome for themself or their groups. ...

This page is part of my exploration of Mahayana Buddhism: https://listed.valdelane.net/55455/20241003-mahayana-buddhism So far I have found the Lankavatara sutra largely impenetrable. I include it because Chan tradition says it was the only sutra Bodhidharma brought from India: « The Chan tradition stems from the imposing figure of Bodhidharma, the alleged founder of the tradition who came to China as a Buddhist missionary in the fifth or sixth century C.E. Unlike other missionary monks wh...

Everything and everyone is provisional, in progress, in transition at all times. In a snapshot we are beings, but in life we are becomings. Expand equanimity by embracing impermanence. ...

Refining process: Approach every situation with curiosity and alacrity Apply an appropriate degree of vigilance, flexibility, and confidence Be bold without hubris; explore, while conscious of one's purview Remember there is no obligation to engage, and Non-action (wu-wei, going with the flow) is often better than action (intervention) However, when action is the correct response do it with finesse and grace If necessary to continue, do it sustainably ...

Since the early '90s I have been dabbling in Zen without knowing much more about where it came from than India → China → Japan. This year it felt important to become familiar with the origins and eventual fusion into the form recognized and practiced in the West. I have been exploring and collecting some relevant texts as they illuminate my path. This is the top page of my study framework. It is succinct according to my interest and connection to the material. It omits many key scholars/authors...

This page is part of my exploration of the origins of Zen: https://listed.valdelane.net/55456/20241004-zen "The Mahayana tradition teaches that all beings inherently possess buddha nature, the seed of awakening: thus perfecting the qualities of a buddha the buddha-to-be can remove hindrances to realization even within a single lifetime. The Mahayana spiritual model is the bodhisattva, who is motivated by bodhicitta, the desire to awaken to help all beings realize their true nature." More at:...

This page is part of my exploration of the origins of Zen: https://listed.valdelane.net/55456/20241004-zen "Taoism or Daoism is a diverse philosophical and religious tradition indigenous to China, emphasizing harmony with the Tao—generally understood as an impersonal, enigmatic process of transformation ultimately underlying reality. The concept originates in the Chinese word 道 (pinyin: dào; Wade–Giles: tao4). Although Taoism has no simple definitions, possible translations of Tao include 'w...

This page is part of my exploration of the origins of Zen: https://listed.valdelane.net/55456/20241004-zen « Trust in Mind (Hsin Shin Ming) by the 3rd patriarch of the Zen Dhyana Sect, Jianzhi Sengcan (Seng T'san), is probably the first Chinese Zen document (6th century) … a creation arising from the blending of Indian Buddhist, Chinese Taoist, and Chinese Chan doctrine. » —Jan Chozen Bays « … when the traditions of Buddha’s teachings, Taoist naturalism, and Chan come together in Trust in ...

This page is part of my exploration of the origins of Zen: https://listed.valdelane.net/55456/20241004-zen Chan is the Chinese school of Buddhism emphasizing direct experience. Chan has roots in Mahayana Buddhism but it dropped the religious complexity and created something fresh. « From the Chan perspective, the goal of life is to live fully as a human being, with one’s inherent potential completely developed. This means to become a buddha. To become a buddha means to “wake up.” The goal i...

This page is part of my exploration of the origins of Taoism: https://listed.valdelane.net/55454/20241002-taoism "The Book of Master Lie, ( Liezi /Lieh-tzu) is a Taoist classic of uncertain origin and history, named for an obscure individual of unproven identity or existence. Records of its constitution and transmission are controversial. And yet the book of Master Lie is one of the greatest works of cognitive art and educational science that has ever been produced." —Thomas Cleary Translat...

This page is part of my exploration of the origins of Taoism: https://listed.valdelane.net/55454/20241002-taoism The Tao Te Ching (Daodejing), ascribed to Lao Tzu (Laozi), is a Chinese classical text widely considered the foundation of philosophical Taoism. Here is the Wikipedia entry: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tao_Te_Ching There are hundreds of Western language translations from various sources. Some 150 English translations are available here: https://terebess.hu/english/tao/_index....

This page is part of my exploration of the origins of Taoism: https://listed.valdelane.net/55454/20241002-taoism "This work defies the dreary but prevalent notion that the serious is the important, that the playful is the inconsequential, and above all that we are under some obligation to draw conclusions about ourselves and our world, and then stick to them." —Brook Ziporyn "The central theme of the Zhuangzi may be summed up in a single word: freedom. Essentially, all the philosophers of a...

This page is part of my exploration of Mahayana Buddhism: https://listed.valdelane.net/55455/20241003-mahayana-buddhism "The Lotus Sutra is one of the most important and influential of all the sutras or sacred scriptures of Mahayana Buddhism, revered by almost all branches of the Mahayana teachings, and over many centuries the object of intense veneration among Buddhist believers throughout China, Korea, Japan, and other regions of eastern Asia." —Burton Watson Overview: https://www.learnr...

This page is part of my exploration of Mahayana Buddhism: https://listed.valdelane.net/55455/20241003-mahayana-buddhism Vimalakirti exemplifies the bodhisattva ideal and reveals that enlightenment is available to anyone, layperson or monastic." — www.learnreligions.com/major-mahayana-sutras-450031 "While the Buddha is teaching outside the city of Vaiśālī, a notable householder in the city—the great bodhisattva Vimalakīrti—apparently falls sick. The Buddha asks his disciple and bodhisattva d...

This page is part of my exploration of Mahayana Buddhism: https://listed.valdelane.net/55455/20241003-mahayana-buddhism "The [Diamond] sutra is a discourse between the Buddha and his disciple Subhuti. It is so named because it ‘cuts through’ ignorance and delusion like a diamond, and its teachings are as indestructible as the gemstone itself. The sutra explores the concept of ’emptiness’ or ‘sunyata’, a key tenet of Mahayana Buddhism, and the idea of non-self or ‘anatta’." — spiritualcultu...

This page is part of my exploration of Mahayana Buddhism: https://listed.valdelane.net/55455/20241003-mahayana-buddhism "The Heart Sutra is the most widely recited scripture in Mahayana Buddhism. It is a text revered by millions of people and regarded as the most succinct presentation of the dharma. In its short form, the text summarizes the selfless experience of reality in meditation, and how this transcends our usual way of thinking." —Kazuaki Tanahash Several translations of the Heart S...

This page is part of my exploration of Mahayana Buddhism: https://listed.valdelane.net/55455/20241003-mahayana-buddhism "The Flower Ornament Scripture, called Avatamsaka in Sanskrit and Huayan in Chinese, is one of the major texts of Buddhism. Also referred to as the major Scripture of Inconceivable Liberation, it is perhaps the richest and most grandiose of all Buddhist scriptures, held in high esteem by all schools of Buddhism that are concerned with universal liberation. Its incredible we...

From a dream last night: Entities are complex. Attributes are some observed data measuring those entities. Categories are judgments about the patterns and importance of those attributes, always losing detail. Models further reduce fidelity, encoding relationships between those categories in a specific context, usually in service to a pre-established goal, and only incidentally advancing real understanding about the entity. Wisdom is allowing the entity to be whatever it actually is, messy and un...

I recently prepared some notes for a talk about polyamory aka ENM (ethical non-monogamy). Here are some excerpts. This is not a HOWTO, just my take on a few things. Basics like explicit and honest communication are assumed. During my monogamous relationships I was faithful by the usual meaning of that word. During my poly relationships I was and remain faithful—that word meaning all partners are aware of one another, and I have explicit agreements with each and behave accordingly. I don't ...

If you wait long enough, every decision and todo become moot 🫠 One of my partners is either a world-class procrastinator or a Zen master, I can't tell which. Waiting is often wise. Some decisions and actions should pend more information or others to do their part. Sometimes leaping in to "fix" something can be more harmful than not. I have to use both rationality and intuition (one or the other isn't enough) to decide and rank actions. We don't always have the oomph to do the thing, and we m...

Bachman Turnovers Charcuterie Boards of Canada Crash Test Gummies Crosby, Stills, Mash, and Bung Depeche à la Mode Dr. Dement-O's Édith Pilaf Eurythmix Fatboy Slim Jims Filo Brazillia Godsnack Goldfrappé Imogen Peep Jackson Brownies Jane Seaberry Almond Joy Division Manford Manwich Pomplamousse Spice Grills Thompson Twix Veruca Saltines ...

The classic salad requires bulgur. However, I don't enjoy bulgur and I'm mad for chickpeas in any form, so... Cooked chickpeas, canned is fine, drained Extra virgin olive oil, fresh* Salt Salt and gently fry chickpeas in plenty of fresh olive oil*. Be patient, keeping temp well below smoking/flash point until golden brown. Set aside to cool. Persian or English cucumber(s), peeled, quartered lengthwise, then sliced Bell pepper(s), orange and/or red, cut into pleasing shapes Some of your f...

Failure is fine. Fail early, fail often, learn more! HOWEVER: First, explore consequences. Consider how to minimize harm. Plan how to fail gracefully and transparently, preferably with early warning. Add guard rails if it's dangerous. Then practice failing so you get better at it. Instead of hiding a mistake: readily admit it, adjust, and try again. This promotes a culture of accountability, appropriate confidence, and freedom to continue experimentation. Am I referring to personal behavior? Bus...

Descriptive categorization is a form of data compression into common symbols, facilitating quick thought and efficient communication. Humans usually ossify descriptive to prescriptive because 1/ that's easier than continually scanning for new patterns and adjusting; 2/ rigid categorization is the key to control—or the perception of control—which appeals to the powerful and insecure alike. Nature laughs at static categories! Like, we could all be having such a more fun and interesting time if e...

Friends have asked for guidance around aging parents. Here are some of my thoughts as a caregiver. Engage and encourage elder(s) in as much physical and mental activity as they can enjoy/tolerate. Of course everyone needs rest, but it's astonishing how quickly abilities degrade without use. There is a gap between operating independently and ran out of money and needs daily medical care (when federal/state benefits kick in for a skilled nursing facility). Some people decline so rapidly there is...

Two types of gaps are under consideration. Both are disparity between what is and what could be: Resource: potential that could be tapped to generate power Problem: difference between desired and actual situation Resource gaps and problem gaps are of different types but in the same cycle. They both represent opportunities that should be evaluated before committing to a project or system. Resources draw first attention because they are easy to understand. They range from obviously valuable (...

REDUCE Expenses Assumptions Low quality distractions Possessions of low utility (factors include beauty, comfort, amusement) Premature optimization when faced with quandary (problem that can only be managed, not solved) Attachment to outcomes (suffering disparity between expected and actual) Unnecessary complexity Frustration when I fail to anticipate something or be prepared for it. Related: Excessive self-sufficiency rooted in trauma Pregrets (about "not having done enough"). See section CA...

I don't think Edward Slingerland makes an argument[1] for the Laozian fall from grace. He is just summarizing one of the two "opposing" ancient Chinese philosophies—the other being a Confucian drive to civilize by imposing order. I gather the former is based on the premise that most people are inherently good but are then poisoned by morality; the latter, that most people are inherently bad—or at least lazy—but can be trained. I put "opposing" in quotes because—I believe this is Slingerland's po...

I know I researched and thought a LOT about this complex problem Must have written up notes somewhere? anywhere? there they are This will be a bit tricky to implement but I think I can do it Hmmm seems familiar, did I write that code already Wait, there it is in my standard set of modules Even has instructions to use it Works exactly as I hoped Thanks past Val Ur a dream ...

Frens, real talk. The Coronavirus isn't going to be over any time soon. Even with good hygiene and social distancing we're going to experience outbreak cycles until there is (hopefully) herd immunity (vaccines are deployed and/or the virus eventually runs through most of the population). There is a good chance you'll catch it before vaccines are available. The important thing is to delay propagation until effective anti-viral therapy is identified and available to mitigate severity of symptoms, ...

Something about my brain wiring/chemistry makes me both a good engineer and a harsh critic of human systems. I compulsively catalog the ways shit can go sideways via mistake, neglect, greed, or malice. While I don't cultivate specific paranoias or conspiracy theories, I am hyperaware of dark patterns concentrating power: myriad lines of manipulation, nonconsensual extraction of value, foisting of risk, abstraction and evasion of responsibility. Despite the automatic nature of such analysis, it i...

I am literally cackling while watching my automation delete hundreds of thousands of files in production. Paid to destroy, aw yeah. Also, cackling helps cover the terror that that my automation will delete the wrong thing. You see, data that was precious becomes a liability merely by aging. Yet, if deleted unintentionally, data that was a liability becomes precious again. This is business logic. ...

In dreamland I rarely use a vehicle. Walking or running is good for a short distance—but mostly I fly. How? I flap my arms. It works great. I have no fear of heights or falling. I commute between venues, survey situations, evade pursuit, or explore for pleasure when there is no other reason to be on the move. I soar over magnificent landscapes and weird cityscapes. There is a proprioceptive and kinesthetic sense of wings with my arms, always pushing and shaping air, occasionally flickering at th...

In humans there is ample evidence that accessing and reviewing a memory refreshes and changes it. I spend little time reviewing past events. The downside is that without refreshing, memories become harder to retrieve later. Maybe I experience a less detailed yet more authentic past? Discussing this with a friend, I concluded that "a perfect memory is one that's never been refreshed." She countered: "but if you've never reviewed it, is it actually a memory?" … … … 🤯 Memory Recall and Retrieval S...

You know how you can unravel an entire crocheted hat by pulling on a single piece of yarn? That's how I feel engaging with the chain of secrecy for automated interfaces. Somehow I'm supposed to keep secret #1 a complete secret until client program needs it to open a local vault to fetch another secret to ask the main vault for a token, used to open that vault to get two more secrets, which are needed to fetch another secret and token from authorization interface, so it can finally(!) open the d...

Semiconductors are perfect structures (crystals) with intentional impurity (doping). Tiny defects promote instability, enabling circuit switching from subtle signals. Neuron switching is also based on small scale instability and cascades triggered by subtle signals. Inorganic and organic information processing is a feedback arrangement between unstable and ambiguous states. A completely stable and known system is off, dead, boring. It's only interesting when in motion. Changes and noise are w...

Don't be too attached to what people do with your doing. If you produce more than three reasons to do a particular, specific good: proceed with caution. It doesn't mean it's the wrong choice, just that you are already attached to the outcome and opening the door to potential frustration. Again: if your reasons are much more detailed than "this is the right thing to do" and "I have the ability to it," you are already attached to the outcome. It takes emotional wherewithal to suffer and manage ...

Evil Fetishize perpetual growth; disdain homeostasis More specifically: generate growth almost entirely with debt which then must be serviced, obligating further growth (or else collapse) Allow inconsistent contribution toward infrastructure and care of entire society: taxation exemptions via havens, loopholes, and perverse incentives Privatize critical infrastructure Directly extract value from anyone without their explicit consent Indirectly extract value by deliberately foisting risk or ext...

There are a few decision points much earlier in life I occasionally wonder about, but for the most part I don't second-guess myself. Our existence is apparently based on probabilities and perturbations of infinitesimal points; as such I doubt there is exactly one universe/timeline, or hard forks into an infinite number of distinct universes/timelines. My speculation is more like a cloud of possibilities that resolve into specific changes only when necessary. (What constitutes "necessary" often t...

In the arms race between deception engines and deception detectors, ML/AI (machine learning / artificial intelligence) will escalate sophistication past the human limits of perception and judgment. This will render moot education-based inoculation against manipulation. We will no longer be able to distinguish fact from fabrication unaided. To know what is actually going on beyond our local senses, we will have to use dynamic deception detectors to filter out the barrage of bullshit narrative (i...

The very resistance to simple anti-discrimination law completely demonstrates the need for it. Why reject a simple assertion in the form of, "rights to X shall not be denied to those of attribute Y" unless wanting to retain status and power over those of attribute Y? Is there more blatant prejudice? Even so, "rights" are a crappy workaround. It is tedious to recognize and enumerate specific groups to protect—actually, impossible to cover all variations. It clutters the law, making what should b...

While not exactly Buddhist, I do subscribe to the principle that attachment causes suffering. I interpret attachment anguish to be the disparity between expected and actual. We can mitigate that disparity, and become resilient, by letting go of desire for highly specific outcomes. Quit hoping for that one very special thing or event or person that would finally make you happy (you think). I am not saying to give up on fulfillment. By all means strive to survive and flourish. Also, be open to alt...

Watching my artificial creatures watch Rainbows of waves dancing on the grid Today's events condensed into numbers Twitching and writhing to invisible beats Each measure different than the last Window sliding into the future: inexorable All observed opportunities: irretrievable Dogma and ritual abound, causality abandoned Reduction of pattern arbitrary unto madness Solutions spread and fill the sky Precipitation floods the arrays Final selection? Position available now Because there will alway...

I have literally: tossed a hot potato to someone else, went back to the drawing board (to completely redesign a circuit board), bit off more than I could chew, battened hatches before the storm (boats, RVs, buildings), judged many books by their covers (didn't buy them), gave up my day job (thinking I might continue a living by trading), put all my eggs in one basket (72 at a time), hit the sheets (stress relief at bedtime), played without a full deck (losing because of it), fell off my rocker, ...

I stand with all those who feel significant and persistent incongruity between their innate sense of gender vs. body and gender assigned at birth. Many choose to keep this a private matter to reduce the risks of rejection, harassment, and violence. I accept the risks to promote awareness and understanding. I have the luxury of doing so because of privileges inherited (race, health), accumulated (reputation, financial), and environmental (liberal friends, family, and employers). That doesn't mea...

Multiple friends have recently remarked how much energy it takes to manufacture a happy face on social media. I'd like to reframe that: of course we filter ourselves; we want others to see us in the best light possible. We tailor our images consciously and subconsciously. That is good and appropriate like filtering our speech: we don't just blurt out every fucked up thing that comes to mind. In fact we are all a little fragile, and generally appreciate the efforts of those around us to maintain ...

Many successful people have an OODA (Observe, Orient, Decide, Act) loop, whereas I have an OOFDA (F is for Fret) with an inner loop on OOF. OOF happens when there are mismatched preferences and/or resources in a situation with people I care deeply about, or people in power over me. Eventually my subconscious pops up a Decide flag precipitating an Act which is usually adapting or, occasionally, exiting with a declaration—in any case, doing something to relieve the tension. Although I believe my ...

Here is the holy trinity of authentication: 1/ something you know, 2/ something you have, and 3/ something you are. This is the traditional order in which the factors are listed because it is the order of least to most difficult to verify. It is also the order of least to most secure; inevitably, only factor 3 will survive. Something you know, the password/phrase, is being rendered obsolete. Passwords are easy to steal at the point of entry; most people re-use similar or guessable passwords ac...

Customer wants to know why their 5 TB filesystem with a gazillion files went offline for a while. Well, because the filesystem software found some unexpected data and it flagged the issue for repair. But why? Because it's smart. But why did it do that? Because it knew it should sweep up before you actually start losing something important. We demand a Root Cause Analysis. The root cause is that something unexpected happened. But what and why? I don't know: maybe a subtle filesystem bug,...

Grant me the wisdom to know the difference between The courage to change the things I cannot accept And being an impatient, judgmental asshole. ...

Taleb seems constitutionally angry, dismissive, and contrarian—sometimes to the point of being an asshole. However, one cannot deny his talent of conveying crucially important concepts in a clear and entertaining fashion. I would rather have every one of my biases and heuristics kicked around so I will reconsider where they came from—and whether to keep them—than be coddled and comforted. Perhaps the best heuristic reminders I received from this book: 1/ Invest (trust) in people, not plans. 2/ ...

Q: How to completely do and be at the same time? How to have goals, make plans without ambition, avoid anticipation of success or failure? How to work toward the future yet always be firmly anchored in the moment? How to fulfill one's deepest desires and best intentions without being emotionally invested, expecting particular results? Answer ...

Get over it. If you are active in this world, your behavior is relentlessly monitored, analyzed, sorted, and cataloged. Surveillance, sousveillance, whatever: We are only doomed if we fail to embrace and then thoroughly distribute the Eye of Providence. Let's get on with the continuous lifeblogging, the ubiquitous smart dust, the crowd-sourced and machine-based sifting and pattern matching, the emergent alternative reputation networks. Let's accelerate the inevitable. Let's have 24 hour realit...

Here are four ways to waste your time and energy: Attempt to: Lose yourself in darkness; Reach light by dispelling darkness; Annihilate the distinction between light and darkness; Compel others to adopt your style of handling the natural tension caused by perceived opposites. See, life is only possible because of gradients between relative reference points. It doesn't really matter if there are absolutes, or true opposites. Some people need to be in a dualism frame to fire them up; others ru...

Number of cups of coffee I had this morning at work: three. Number of pots I had to make to get those three cups: three. Just posted above office coffee station: "Seriously, dude. If I catch you taking the last cup of coffee without starting another pot, I will kick your ass. Love, Val" (Note from future: It was super effective.) ...

In the last couple of months... Upon entering an elevator I often: Without thinking, press the button for the current floor instead of the destination floor; Wonder why nothing is happening; Press the correct button; Congratulate myself for being so "here" and "now;" Admonish myself for being attached to "here" and "now." Chuckle. ::Shrug:: I'm my own reliable entertainment. ...

Having accumulated three dead hard drives, I decided it was time to make a small project of physically destroying each of them. In particular, one had unreferenced but likely recoverable information about thousands of students because of a database migration I was contracted to do earlier this year. I had that one mostly disassembled but didn't have a small enough Torx to remove the platter properly, so I figured I would just pry/bend it out. After all, the object was to mutilate it. Surprise! I...

(Step the previous) If you haven't done it before, you can find a lot of raw material in the results from a Myers-Briggs / Keirsey temperament sorter, either to own or disown. I'm an INTx. Let's continue, by listing significant abilities and motivations. In this part of the exercise, if you're still playing along at home, allow your personal inventory of intangible assets unfold. Consider your career, personal projects, and social interaction thus far in life, but don't limit yourself. Include...

Prompted by some principles of Carl Jung and Edgar Cayce, I'm going to take this opportunity for introspection and review to write what I am calling a personal inventory of intangible assets. It's a great exercise at any stage of life, but particularly important as a prerequisite to reintegration and wholeness, for finding a meaningful direction out of a transition phase such as the one I find myself in. Play along at home, if you like. The first step is to recognize and iterate one's core attr...

Picture, if you will, me in the shower enjoying a hot soapy moment. Steamy, right? The water slows to a trickle, then turns to black slime. This is the second grossest RV moment in my life. Six gallons of concentrated bleach, three hours, and one favorite pair of ruined pants later, we're pretty sure the water tank is decontaminated. We both smell like we've spent the day in a dangerously over-chlorinated community pool. The lesson? Povodine-Iodine kills all known bacteria and viruses. It's w...

I've gone on surprisingly few pre-Relationship dates per se and I can't recall any of them being particularly unpleasant, unless you count two young Christians going to see Silence of The Lambs with no idea what it was about (we nearly broke each other's hands and were both so traumatized we agreed to never again speak of the event or even to each other). But you are looking for a good story. So as not to disappoint, let's bend the definition of date to include an evening out with one's partner...

Maybe I shouldn't take on big projects while weaning myself off meds—but the results are so entertaining. I've noticed for some time that my nesting partner has tended to put food he buys into one location, although he mostly denied it with an explanation of his organization I could not readily follow. Faced with crates of Burning Man (shelf-stable) food in the living room, I decided to completely change the previous storage scheme. Well, scheme is a generous word; it was more like an organic ...

I fired up the V-Star to tour some new places today. First up: Zmudowski State Beach. It required negotiating a zig-zag path through the fields north of Moss Landing. It's a lush area, yet oddly low-profile; I don't think anything they cultivate in Monterey County is taller than my cruiser bike. Zmudowski seems a good place to get away from the crowds. Snowy plover are common on the beaches between Watsonville and Monterey. I heart those little guys. The way they chase the surf, their tiny legs ...

Today, I went outside only once, to Far Burrito. It was dubbed thus when we lived on the other side of town from it. Now it's closer than Near Burrito, but we don't want to confuse ourselves by renaming them. There's also Death by Burrito (with a bullet hole in the window at head-level and across the street from a cemetery) and Goat Burrito (guess their specialty—anyway open late). Infrequently we eat at Fast Burrito (gets the digestion moving) or Yucky Burrito (a bastardization of Yuppy Burrito...

Someone called in a bomb threat to work. A bomb squad could theoretically be dispatched, but only if someone actually sees a bomb, or what is likely a bomb. Phone threats are not taken seriously by the city. And the cops would not go in because that is not their job. So my team and I got to go in and sweep. It keeps coming back to what our ERT (Emergency Response Team) head trainer says: "You're on your own more often than you can get any professional help." ...

I managed the Y2K remediation program at a core tech company. Our own code didn't need much work (time based on Unix epoch ending in 2038) but there were a surprising number of show-stopping bugs in systems from our vendors. Negotiating, coordinating, and updating everything was a butt load of work. I remember a consultant so keen for my blessing on his part of the plan that he got down on his knees and made full supplication. In a suit. I said, "We'll talk about it." At home on the last night ...

I have completed conversion of my coat closet into a patch and server booth with forced ventilation and 2.3kW UPS backup. In the summer it vents out to garage; in winter it vents into house to reclaim the heat. I am working on IP forwarding and masquerading Linux so I can automatically route traffic across the ISP connection that is working the best at the time. DSL is more reliable than it used to be, but Ricochet radio modem and plain-ole dialup have saved my butt many times. While our house w...

To: BigG@mail.genmills.com Dear General Mills breakfast product development, I thought there was a constant I could depend on in life. Even beyond my teens I occasionally buy a box of Trix. Each time I have been comforted not only by the colorful, crunchy, sugary goodness, but even more by the familiar, consistent, spherical shapes. Last week, the mood struck; I asked my partner (who now does all the grocery shopping) to procure a box of Trix. I just opened it, and was shocked to see something...

We recently returned home from a trip to find our new heater/ac system malfunctioning. The heater was turning itself part way on over and over again, overheating the ignition assembly until glowing orange—giving us cause to be thankful that the house was still standing. I immediately unplugged the infernal thing and gave the installing contractor what-for. He tested everything, then declared that the behavior I described made no sense at all given the multiple system fail-safes—but he knew from...

Or, How to Get What You Want in 6 Easy Steps: Listen: Understand what a person feels and what they want. Listen to the meaning, not just exactly what is said. Language is more than words strung together. If you respond to what a person means, they will appreciate you for being perceptive. If you use semantics against them, they will become surly and less likely to care about what you feel and want. Ask: If at first, the answer is no, go away and decide how important it is to you. Negotiate: If...

Religion is for those not strong enough to bear the weight of uncertainty: that the universe is unfeeling and largely nonsensical, that order is the structure we superimpose on it with the filter of our prescribed and wishful perceptions. Morality is contrived primarily to help people feel not quite so powerless in the face of overwhelming chaos. Not to put too fine a point on it—convictions are for cowards. ...

I have been known to mistake intimacy for love, lust for love, and even trust for love. I still don't know what love is, but I am learning to relax and let each encounter shape itself. I try to embrace and savor each moment without excess worry for how long it will last. ...

For some fool reason, in the middle of the night I agreed to get dressed and go down to the outdoor stalls on site where a freshly acquired black mare was disassembling her accommodations. I was good at calming horses and thought maybe we could reach an agreement where she would receive my kind energy and—probably more importantly—the best food at hand, in exchange for her resting until morning. There wasn't much light but I could see her nose was in the far corner when I opened the gate, with ...

An acquaintance once posted about an evil chicken dubbed Roostard. This creature is huge, mean, and crows broken glass. Every time Roostard is killed, he is immediately reborn elsewhere. See, Roostard lived next door to me in 1985. He woke me every day between 4-5AM, within a few hours of falling asleep. I wanted to kill him, but was too nice to do so. One morning after he woke me from an excellent dream—a rarity at the time—I trembled with rage while getting ready for work. I fired up my motor...

An acquaintance once posted about an evil chicken dubbed Roostard. This creature is huge, mean, and crows broken glass. Every time Roostard is killed, he is immediately reborn elsewhere. See, Roostard lived next door to me in 1985. He woke me every day between 4-5AM, within a few hours of me falling asleep. I wanted to kill him, but was too nice to do so. One morning after he woke me from an excellent dream—a rarity at the time—I trembled with rage while getting ready for work. I fired up my m...

My mom's sweet canary, George, lived in a cage next to my chair in the dining room. He always begged for what I was eating, and I obliged with veg and other carb bits. One day there was nothing on my plate but a piece of chicken, and George wouldn't give up. So I fed him chicken. He hopped and flapped around like I'd never seen before. After that, he would wouldn't settle for less than whatever animal protein was on my plate. I created a monster, and it was good. ...

First, there was no awareness... The void eventually dissolved. I realized that I was alone in a church, laying on a slab. Nothing was happening; my thoughts were as viscous as cold molasses. I didn't have enough energy to stir a muscle. I was vaguely aware that a funeral had recently occurred there, and I worried that I didn't have enough life force to safely avoid similar proceedings for me. I was so exhausted that I wanted desperately to go back to sleep—but I knew I would never wake up, and ...

The first computer to which I had regular access was the new TRS-80 at a local Radio Shack. I tried a few small example programs in BASIC from the manual, then wrote my own: first was a roulette simulator testing betting systems; second was a calculator to see how fast and far one would travel in space under various acceleration scenarios. The employees allowed me to use it as much as I wanted so long as I gave demos to customers who showed interest. Unfortunately, the manager was short-sighted ...

I had just cobbled together a bedroom stereo rig of 12V power supply, old tube car radio (warm sound), and makeshift speakers. While testing it, I heard Donna Summer's "I Feel Love" for the first time—likely the day it dropped locally. I was agog, captivated, entranced, electrified. I cranked it. Whole-body shivers and hair standing up. Vivid memory. Added 2023 Aug 30 from documentary "Love To Love You"—Elton John said, "I remember when 'I Feel Love' came on at Studio 54. You just stopped in yo...

My parents and I liked olives. They planted an olive tree in the back yard. When it was mature enough to bear fruit, I tried one directly off the tree. That was a face-scrunching YUCK moment rivaled only by a rotten pistachio, to that point in my life. I complained to Mom. She proceeded to show me how to cure the olives, soaking them in cycles of lye and brine over a couple of weeks—fascinating! I wondered how the process was discovered. Was there a tree at the edge of a sea, and someone had a b...

"We're making a quick run to the store. Keep an eye on your brother," Mom instructed. "Sure, okay" I replied. I barely glanced up from the book about electrical wiring that I had pulled from Grandpa's shelf. We were in my grandparent's living room, me perched on the couch and my baby brother on a blanket in the center of the floor. He wasn't mobile yet, only just able to lift his head off the ground. I was completely immersed in the book, electrical principles clicking into place as quickly as ...