20150509 Adapt, retry, exit?

Many successful people have an OODA (Observe, Orient, Decide, Act) loop, whereas I have an OOFDA (F is for Fret) with an inner loop on OOF. OOF happens when there are mismatched preferences and/or resources in a situation with people I care deeply about, or people in power over me.

Eventually my subconscious pops up a Decide flag precipitating an Act which is usually adapting or, occasionally, exiting with a declaration—in any case, doing something to relieve the tension. Although I believe my intuition is good—including my ability to read the state and grasp the position of others—I now understand that I deprive us of options when I prematurely adapt or exit.

I could increase the richness of life by extending Act into a process of engaging in further communication. Yet, I am reluctant to persuade anyone to change their position for my sake. Further, I am sensitive to repetition: I carefully listen to learn someone's considerations; conversely I expect others to listen when I explain my considerations and I don't like having to repeat myself. These factors can make it challenging for someone to conduct a long negotiation with me. But it might be worth it?

Perhaps the key is interaction: the back and forth of it, the honing of one another's sensibilities, the revealing of deeper layers and patterns, a fractally detailed exploration until we arrive at a sense of being done for the day. Then I need to be willing to do it again another day. And another day. And again. There is likely nuance that I missed the first time around, and the second, and the third, right? And how can we grow unless we challenge as well as support each other?

If I try again more often than adapting or exiting, I will give myself and others more opportunity for satisfying outcomes and stronger relationships.